Trapped in Myself

Oh I dream of being something yet even more I dream of making myself nothing.

I want to be like Jesus, though I don't trust enough. I sit in my sorrow, trying to hide from my problems. I want help but I'm afraid of being condemned for my failures. I fear that no one can help me. Why am I trapped in my self? Will I ever change?

I Sit and Dream of a Movie Love

I love romantic comedies. I ever since I saw When Harry Meet Sally. I desire a movie love. I thought it was because love always wins. Love wins over heartbreak in a dramatic movie. Love wins over awkwardness in a romantic comedy. The latter being my favorite because I am pretty awkward. Tonight I watched the movie Dan in Real Life. It is a classic guy meets girl while out of town turns out to be relatives girlfriend story (This doesn't take away from it being a great movie).

Though something I realized is that I really don't want the love to win. I think I really like the concept of love as something that can be won. I have so few ways that I can be been a conqueror.

Sitting in the Hand of God

Wow the last few weeks have been a wild ride. I was living life. Hating my job wishing things would change not knowing how to make it happen.
Then I decided I was going to look for a new job then a day latter I kind of got laid off ( or I guess quit of quit my job). They offered to pay me commission only which would have been a 25% pay cut. I would be making minimum wage.
So I am unemployed and feeling really sick, it gave me some time to sleep, read and meditate. After a few days of that I try to get back into life and start the pursuit of my personal legend. I am thinking it is going back to school and working a part time job. Then after a few days my car starts over heating and I am trying to take care of it but I didn't think I have enough money to fix it. So I keep driving it with it over heating. Then I take it into the shop to get fixed and they tell me it is going to be $500 to fix and these are the friend prices. Then once it is in the shop they tell me it will be over a thousand dollars to get fixed. So I had to spend the rest of my cash to get some transportation.
So all I can do is pray and hope for the bast. My only hope is the confidence that I am sitting in the hand of God. I can do nothing but trust that God will always point me in the right direction.

Wow

Wow I didn’t realize until today how lost I have been. It was weird to see that I had posted one entry to this blog in March and April. I kind of think of this blog as being my log of the journey of life. I know I have been many places but to see that I didn’t write about them shows me I didn’t really know where I was going on where I really was while I was there.

So I decide as of today to take more time to explore all of the places I go.