Meeting Your New Girlfriend

I am not sure if i will use this as an I told you so or for one of those I said it out of love but ever one takes it the wrong way moments but... I think you could do better.

I feel this strong need to puke. I am not sure if is Jealousy, disgust or stomach flu.

Caution Not For Children

I just remember this dream i had once when i was in 5th grade. i am a walking down the street it is a pretty clean street and walk into a gallery which is all white and has all this art like from television shows. I am hanging out with all the hipsters being a hipster drinking. Then oddly enough I stares getting busy with one of the girls at the art gallery. Who as far as I can remember was a completely made up girl.

I remembered this when I passed a couple of galleries, while wandering around Hollywood.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 2 Corinthians 7:11

There are so many things going on. There is a cyclone in the thee tea pot of my life. So many of the changes are good yet the fear is that they are unknown. I hate uncertainty. I am rather mad that I am unable to control my world.
It is so funny how I can lose focus on Gods sovereignty. I think so often I am not ready to see justice done. I would often rather see things done my way than the right way. So justice can correct me or it can bless me and I don't like it until I understand it.

Then right now I am feeling abandoned. Why oh why am I turning my back on myself.

Life is a Mixed Bag

(Note To The Reader: If you haven't been able to tell yet I tend to look at my life as being pretty significant in the world so the following may seem overly dramatic.)

I am ready for the next step in my journey. I have been stationed in Valencia for the 9 months. I am not really sure where I will be going but God has called me to leave. I am excited though I also feel a dark cloud hanging over the change. I am sure that if I had made different decisions I would feel better about making the changes. I may now be better prepared to make them if I had been more responsible. Though on another hand I feel that things have kind of gone the better than I would hope. There is some things really many things I wish had not happened, but I feel no regrets.

Is this lack of regret a sign of my immaturity or is instability? The answer is a phrase that most represents my life "I don't know."

I have been haunted by those three words. Out of nowhere when I am thinking of nothing in particular I will say "I don't know." This is how my soul speaks to the universe. Repeatedly it has been said with fear. But todayI am truly trusting in those words.

I have already been taken care of by friends, family and most importantly God. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know where I will be in a month or 2 or a year or five years. But it a source freedom to know that God is working more powerfully than I could ever know.

I have to Move

About an hour ago I found out that I need to move in about a month or maybe in a few days. I am kind of worried about it. I know it will work out, though I think part of me enjoys worrying about changes. I have no idea where God is taking me, I am sure it is somewhere I need to go. And I am sure it will amaze me once I am there.

Style's Birthday Party

I am feeling a little irritated they would not serve me coffee at this bar. But it is worth it because, Style is awesome.

The Dificulty With Oneness

I feel a division between the two parts of who I am. I feel that who I am comes down to what I believe and what I do. So often the two parts of me act in accordance and the belief either fuels the action or is unfortunately ignored.

Though right now I feel that part of me is breaking.
There is this disconnect between values and it is causing me to be torn apart. Actions seem to be speaking louder than my words, forcing me into a corner. Part of me wants to jump a into cup of tea and conquer the tempest. Though part of me feels that it is much bigger than that and that I will break apart. That we can't go on being one. That my life will end up being shattered. I want to remind myself that only pain can come from the actions. And that that should make them wrong but I don't know if it really is.