The Dificulty With Oneness

I feel a division between the two parts of who I am. I feel that who I am comes down to what I believe and what I do. So often the two parts of me act in accordance and the belief either fuels the action or is unfortunately ignored.

Though right now I feel that part of me is breaking.
There is this disconnect between values and it is causing me to be torn apart. Actions seem to be speaking louder than my words, forcing me into a corner. Part of me wants to jump a into cup of tea and conquer the tempest. Though part of me feels that it is much bigger than that and that I will break apart. That we can't go on being one. That my life will end up being shattered. I want to remind myself that only pain can come from the actions. And that that should make them wrong but I don't know if it really is.