Friday, November 30, 2007

Meeting Your New Girlfriend

I am not sure if i will use this as an I told you so or for one of those I said it out of love but ever one takes it the wrong way moments but... I think you could do better.

I feel this strong need to puke. I am not sure if is Jealousy, disgust or stomach flu.

Caution Not For Children

I just remember this dream i had once when i was in 5th grade. i am a walking down the street it is a pretty clean street and walk into a gallery which is all white and has all this art like from television shows. I am hanging out with all the hipsters being a hipster drinking. Then oddly enough I stares getting busy with one of the girls at the art gallery. Who as far as I can remember was a completely made up girl.

I remembered this when I passed a couple of galleries, while wandering around Hollywood.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Ch Ch Ch Changes

See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 2 Corinthians 7:11

There are so many things going on. There is a cyclone in the thee tea pot of my life. So many of the changes are good yet the fear is that they are unknown. I hate uncertainty. I am rather mad that I am unable to control my world.
It is so funny how I can lose focus on Gods sovereignty. I think so often I am not ready to see justice done. I would often rather see things done my way than the right way. So justice can correct me or it can bless me and I don't like it until I understand it.

Then right now I am feeling abandoned. Why oh why am I turning my back on myself.

Life is a Mixed Bag

(Note To The Reader: If you haven't been able to tell yet I tend to look at my life as being pretty significant in the world so the following may seem overly dramatic.)

I am ready for the next step in my journey. I have been stationed in Valencia for the 9 months. I am not really sure where I will be going but God has called me to leave. I am excited though I also feel a dark cloud hanging over the change. I am sure that if I had made different decisions I would feel better about making the changes. I may now be better prepared to make them if I had been more responsible. Though on another hand I feel that things have kind of gone the better than I would hope. There is some things really many things I wish had not happened, but I feel no regrets.

Is this lack of regret a sign of my immaturity or is instability? The answer is a phrase that most represents my life "I don't know."

I have been haunted by those three words. Out of nowhere when I am thinking of nothing in particular I will say "I don't know." This is how my soul speaks to the universe. Repeatedly it has been said with fear. But todayI am truly trusting in those words.

I have already been taken care of by friends, family and most importantly God. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know where I will be in a month or 2 or a year or five years. But it a source freedom to know that God is working more powerfully than I could ever know.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I have to Move

About an hour ago I found out that I need to move in about a month or maybe in a few days. I am kind of worried about it. I know it will work out, though I think part of me enjoys worrying about changes. I have no idea where God is taking me, I am sure it is somewhere I need to go. And I am sure it will amaze me once I am there.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Style's Birthday Party

I am feeling a little irritated they would not serve me coffee at this bar. But it is worth it because, Style is awesome.

The Dificulty With Oneness

I feel a division between the two parts of who I am. I feel that who I am comes down to what I believe and what I do. So often the two parts of me act in accordance and the belief either fuels the action or is unfortunately ignored.

Though right now I feel that part of me is breaking.
There is this disconnect between values and it is causing me to be torn apart. Actions seem to be speaking louder than my words, forcing me into a corner. Part of me wants to jump a into cup of tea and conquer the tempest. Though part of me feels that it is much bigger than that and that I will break apart. That we can't go on being one. That my life will end up being shattered. I want to remind myself that only pain can come from the actions. And that that should make them wrong but I don't know if it really is.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


I am fairly happy. I am watching a movie. I feel so good from eating but not eating too much. I am happy my mom and one of my brothers and my Grandpa are all here. God has blessed me so much. I am over joyed with the blessings in my life. I am a little apprehensive about how my family feels.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

The LORD Will Provide

So [Michael] called [Los Angeles] "The LORD Will Provide", for on that day the LORD provided...
time to go to LA
a reason to go to LA
gas money to drive to LA
free admission to MOCA
free parking
free coffee
a world of untold wonder
a satisfaction to my artistic hunger

It was crazy. I got a call from my friends Aunt asking me to drive her down to the Auto Show. Which I didn't realize was in downtown LA She tells me she will pay me. So I check my schedule see that I am free, being merely in want of money. Then when I do that I realize that I am right near the MOCA and that it is free on Thursday evenings. So the most wonderful evening ensued. I even had money to pay to go see a Jeff Buckley tribute show after I went to the Museum.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Stalking Utah

So I was reading this random Mormon guys blog today. It is really crazy how much you can know about people you have never met. I feel like I have been stalking the state of Utah lately.

Some Times I Dream of Being English

That is I often i dream of not eating and only drinking tea.
I also on occasion think about being Welsh which is the same thing but I also do heroin

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Tonight I went to the MOCA (museum of contemporary art). It was artistic and awe inspiring. Though the thing I mainly got out of it was I need to create more. I am a creative and artistic guy and I need to put it in to practice.

Pride And Prejudice Quote

I started reading Pride And Prejudice again I had only read to chapter 4 the first time I tried reading it. No I am to chapter 12 this was a cool quote about friendship. "A regard for the requester would often make one readily yield to a request..." Elizabeth Bennett.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Mr Darcy?

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

You are Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. You're pretty arrogant, but that pride stems from the deep-seated knowledge that you are generally the most superior creature in any given room. The good news is that you are deeply loyal to your family, and you have a generous and charitable streak, even though most people don't notice because you are too busy practicing a large vocabulary of stern looks.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

I read a few chapters of Pride and Prejudice and then I came across this quiz (while looking up some of the words) , this was the result. Usually when I take one of these quizzes I know the proper answers to be the character I want to be. But since I hadn't read much of the book yet this was a surprise. I am not sure if it is an honor or not. Though I do feel the reserved, intense and loyal would be me.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I Feel Like I Have Been Transported to Another World

I feel like i have been transported too another world. There are a whole host of reasons. I just got done hanging out with my friend Lauren. I just got done watching American Gangster. I haven't been home since not being home since 5:55(which was 16 hours ago.Then there is the fact that I have been losing weight and a lot of people complemented me on how I look today. Plus I kind of feel like I am hot. Then there is the fact that the San Fernando Valley is my true home.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

My Hidden Self

Today I cleaned my bathroom for the first time in 7 months. I know I am a pig. That is really was this post is about. A lot of what I do in life is trying to cover up my disgusting qualities. I shower so I don't smell but if I am not going to leave the house I won't shower. I clean my car so that the people who will be driving around with me wont see what a messy guy I am. I think many people do this but on the other hand I figure no one will be going into my bathroom since my house also has a downstairs bathroom so I have never cleaned it. My room has been very close several times to being clean and organized but never quite made it in the 7 months I have been living here. Sure it was very nice and organized until i finished mioving all my junk in. Since then it has bared no resemblance to the room I moved into which was fully furnished so there should really be a lot of similarities.

I have been trying t change who I am. I have many lofty goals, which I am hoping will help me to no longer live this secret life of disgustingness. Well I can use your prayers, because if my bathroom is an indication of who I really am I need to change a lot.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Stalking Utah

So I was reading this random Mormon guys blog today. It is really crazy how much you can know about people you have never met. I feel like I have been stalking the state of Utah lately.