Stuck in A Rut

I have been trying to accomplish a lot of things for the last 6 months. Progress has been slow and sometimes non-existent. Right now I am trying to save money but it seems like I am incapable of doing that. I keep letting my self go out to lunch every day which is like 45 or 50 bucks a week. Then I have all these transportation costs to take care of(Registration, a ticket, smog check, oil changes, transmission fluid change and something with my radiator I need to take care of).

So finances have been nuts. Then I want to louse weight and I have not been motivated at all to work out. So I am kind of hating life right now. I feel like I need to get on top of everything but I don't really know how. Can any one help?

This is how I feel Right Now

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

William Butler Yeats

My Blankets

As I left the house this morning on time with two cups of coffee in me, teeth freshly brushed, hair combed, env in my pocket, pea coat on, and my argyle van.

I felt like a man.

So i started thinking about how layers of clothes in my mind cover my fat and make me feel confident and how I need to louse weight by summer. Then i realized all this was just a security blanket and i am just as much Linus as I was when i played him in the 8th grade drama production of your a good man Charlie Brown. The blanket has simply been replaced by the symbols of Yindieism.

It is time to preach the word of God

Apocalypse Please Lyrics
Artist(Band):Muse Declare this an emergency
Come on and spread a sense of urgency
And pull us through it all
And pull us through it all

And this is the end, the end
This is the end
Of the World

And it's time we saw a miracle
Come on it's time for something biblical
To pull us through it all
And pull us through it all

And this is the end, the end
This is the end
Of the World

Proclaim eternal victory
Come on and change the course of history
And pull us through it all
And pull us through it all

And this is the end, the end
This is the end
Of the world

English to English Translation

I am the best English to English translator there is. I have been saying it for for years and as I think about it this comment may stem from pride. Though i think it also comes from the way that I view the world. I have always wanted it to be some concrete and definite thing. I have always wanted to translate the chaos into some sort of order. Plus I am prone to seeing other peoples perspectives on things so I think I can easily understand what they are trying to say.
But when one is translating something is always lost. The translator can only hope to convey the general idea or communicate the message but all nuance and the subtlety are lost. Misunderstanding is created by the choice of words. What you are truly trying to say is never what gets translated. Because the way we try to say it is what creates the need for translation.

Puppy Bowl

My coworker feels, "people who hate America should be shown this." I don't know if it is me being jaded but it seems that things like the Puppy Bowl are why people hate the US. Though at least we both agreed that it is truly what the USA is all about. The only problem is that we see the same thing in a completely different way.

Morning Glory

I have had these seemingly misplaced feelings of bliss lately. Like yesterday I had this very positive moment as i was walking out to Church in the rain. I auroa or cloud of joy came upoun me. This morning I felt the same way. Though what makes the happiness weird is that I have so much self doubt.