My Grandpa's Killer Died

I was learning about SEO and watching a video on analytics and thought I should check the info on my blogs. Since they almost get no traffic minor events can make big changes in the data. Like in the past I got this huge increase in traffic like 9000% or something because someone posted a link to an article I wrote on in a forum.

So today when I say small up tick in the viewers of my personal blog. I thought something silly like that might have happened. It turned out the increase was because the guy that killed my Grandpa had died. It's a little surreal. Haha I guess web analytics are more useful than I would have ever thought.

Wow... What in The World?

So I have been in China off and on for just over 21 months. Some amazing things have happened. I lost about 50 lbs. I have seen a guy be completely changed by reading the Bible and then change back because he stopped. I have seen a person who would have wanted to persecute me inexplicably be unable to see that while I sat next to him I was sharing the Bible with his friend. I helped to start a non-profit dedicated to helping people.  I am pretty excited that I am here. Though a few lingering ideas cause me to take pause.

The main one being I kind of would like to get married. I April 30th I turned 34. I feel like I have a lot of love to give and would love to be in a relationship. Though it seems like the prospects are pretty slim here in China. So I have been challenged to act on faith to start going out on dates with people I can potentially marry. I have been having trouble acting faithfully in this. For some reason I am afraid to talk to the people I feel I would need to in order to find these potential dates. I am scared. I think this is the type of thing that on the surface I am afraid of failure but in a certain way I am afraid of success.

I am not writing this to have people tell me buck up it will be ok. That really irritates me when people respond in that way. It make me feel like they are negating my fears which are at least slightly rational fears. So if you have constructive advice feel free to respond if not I am just trying to be open about my life and I know that GOD is amazing and can do anything and will provide for all my needs and possible desires in a way that is immeasurably better than I can imagine.

Coming Clean

I often hold back the things that go on in my heart. I am very reluctant to reveal the real me which is probably why no one reads my blog. Today I revealed my self and my dirty little secrets to two of my friends. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. For a long time I had felt trapped by these secrets.

But on the other hand the they set me free. They allowed me to live in an imaginary world were I could do anything and be anything. In that world I felt powerful and accomplished. It allowed me to escape all of the ways I feel like a failure in the real world.  The sad thing was I didn't like who I wanted to be in that world and the success was simply self satisfaction. Actually many time the success was giving other satisfaction so they would want to interact with the successful me.

I am Jet Lagged

Well I am in LA. I am trying to work though jet lag is ruling my life.

My Quest For My Favorite Movie

OK I have a confession to make. I have been lie about my favorite movie. I haven't really had a favorite movie up until now so I would tell people that my favorite movie was a movie I think they would like or one that I have like for a long time. The other day I was asked by a stranger (a guy I meet on a tour of the earthquake affected areas of Sichuan) about my favorite movie. I gave him some of my old stand by and then Amber mentioned her favorite movies and I realized I need to discover what my real favorites are.

Here are my criteria.
1. It needs to be re-watchable.
I think a favorite movie needs to be able to be watched a million times and hold up under the strain.
2. It needs to have inspire emotion.
I have never been a big fan of mindless movies so the movie needs to make me think or laugh or cry or all off the above not just pass the time.
3. Really I was kind of done with criteria after number.

So I have started to repeatedly watch movies I like, to see how they hold up to the re-watchable criteria. My candidates so far are; "Pursuit of Happyness", "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "Elf" which I hadn't seen until the start of this endeavor but was hilarious.

Chinese New Year's Eve

I returned today from my four city tour of China today. It was very eventful. I learned about China I met new friends and I learned to interact better with my old friends.

I came home and watched Gran Torino and The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. I hadn't heard anything really good about Gran Torino. It was funny I kept hearing from people it was good but... I was never clear what the but was all about, and after seeing it I think it was just good.

Though The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has left me in a very melancholy mood.

Any Thing Can Happen in 2010

Wow so it is three days into the new. 2010 so far is on track to be amazing. I have been in China for 135 days. It has definitely been one of those weird times when times seems to fly and yet be so long all at the same time. To think that I have been here almost 4 and a half months seems so crazy but then so many things have happened if I had to guess I might say that I have been here 6 or 7 months based simply on all that has happened. Five Chinese people have been baptized in the Pancakes IHOP group. I have made some best friends. I started studying the Bible with a guy. Then had my heart broken when he my heart quit studying. Then I went through a phase where I was depressed that Juan was studying the Bible with two people and I wasn't studying with any. I got pointed back in the direction of the Bible and God. Started relying on God and am now studying the Bible with five guys. Plus I have lost 20 lbs. Man if God keeps up this pace anything can happen in 2010.

Oh and PS. I think this will be the year I jump on the medical mask bandwagon.